I recently feel the urge to produce something. Anything. I almost quit every social media during this semester. Plus my cellphone (which is pretty much broken anyway). Basically, I delete the apps and block the websites, and leave cellphone at home whenever I don’t have to take it with me.
Yet giving up on all the social networks does not mean I don’t want to communicate with the world. Or I don’t need to. I’d rather think it is a must for the current situation. Still, by stepping out of the social network bubbles, I’ve isolated myself. I’ve had all sorts of ideas keep popping up in my mind. They fill up my brain, constantly whispering in my ears. And they don’t have a way out. This weird type of energy has been accumulated in my body and I cannot offer enough space for holding them together, and for taking them in.
I feel like an overcharged battery. So I decided to start this blog, to channel them out.
A very hard time
I can’t tell exactly how much stress I experience currently. On a scale one to ten, I’d rank mine between six and seven. But my doctors clearly don’t agree with me. They said to re-think it. And don’t try to digest all the stresses anymore.
So I guess I need to speak out. The thing is, I never feel “okay” to feel stressed out. It’s not like I am any different than my friends or colleagues. By saying I am not doing well makes me feel like I am underestimating others’ stresses. Blogging will be so much better as I don’t write to (or talk to) any specific people. I feel okay to say that I am not okay in a place that few people will ever care.
**What do I write for? **
This idea reminds me of a plot in the Fan Girl. A professor of a writing course asks students a question—“why do we write?”—and got lots of funny responses. I will list some of them:
to express ourselves; because we like the sound of our own voices; to clear the voices in my head; to explore new worlds; to explore old ones; to set ourselves free; to show people what it’s like inside our heads (assuming they want to know); to make people laugh…
I read the book two years ago, and I liked almost every single answer. In a way that I forget what the book mainly talks about but still remember this scene. A very special scene. I mean, just to think of something that is capable of setting yourself free. Previously I only find those answers interesting. Now I understand some of them a little better, such as to turn off the voices in my mind.
**Writing as talking **
Given all the contexts, this website is meant to be a personal space. I’ve decided not to add any professional information to this website. I may share some solutions or notes to some problems that I ran into every now and then. But they are gonna be subtle. Everything posted here will more sound like me talking to myself. It’s not like I have targeted audience or something; I want to keep it simple, and funny if possible. I write to you as I talk to a friend, a friend who I may not be familiar with, who I may never have the chance to meet in person.
But you know I will like you.